Penny Raftin’ with Scott A

I’m kind of paranoid about this post because of those pesky copyright and libel laws but here I go anyway. So last year we started this tradition of creating unique and fah-bulous guide shirts. We’ve carried AO logo wear for a long time of course, but at a certain point it became clear that it was time to subvert our hard-won professional image by designing and distributing cool shirts for our cool staff. Danny, our Kaweah manager (not to be confused with “Bus Driver Danny”—another story for another day), was just the man for the job. Mostly ‘cuz he’s creative and—most important—my boyfriend, so I can effectively harass him until the job gets done. So Danny thought and thought and designed and re-designed and came up with the now-classic and coveted “Gettin’ the Led Out” shirt. This year the bar was high. What to do? How to out-do the Led shirt in fabulousness? Well, just like you would have done, Danny turned to Lionel Richie. Who wouldn’t? I mean the man has, like, more number one hits than anyone else in the history of love songs! Seriously—don’t you watch VH-1? In the spirit of that tradition, the Lionel shirt was born. Now the thing is, when I saw the shirt I laughed by booty off! I may have even spit up my dinner! What I didn’t realize was that by bringing this shirt into the world I was also totally dating myself! All the youngins’ around here (i.e. younger than 30) don’t think the guy on the shirt is Lionel (they say “who?” and then you start singing “Ballerina Girl” and they still look confused, and then in desperation you say “you know, Nicole’s dad? The skinny girl who is in a fight with Paris? and then finally they get it. Sheesh! Way to make me feel old!)……anyway the youngins think it’s Scott A. To be fair, he does need a haircut. But to clear the record, even though it’s true that he does needs a haircut, Scott A has not been memorialized on the new guide shirt. So join me, won’t you, and sing along “Hello!? Is it whitewater you’re lookin’ for . . .”

PS: “Private eyes…..they’re watchin’ you!”